65 Carol Burnett Quotes from the American Actress & Comedian

Carol Burnett is an American comedian and actress famous for her sketch comedy show “The Carol Burnett Show” which aired from 1967 to 1979.

Born in Texas in 1933 she grew up during the Great Depression and found solace in movies fueling her passion for acting.

She honed her comedic skills at UCLA and later moved to New York City with the help of a benefactor.

Her big break came when she joined “The Garry Moore Show” in 1959 and her performance in the Broadway musical “Once Upon a Mattress” earned her a Tony nomination.

Burnett won several Emmy Awards and was known for her variety of comedic characters including the hilarious Mrs. Wiggins.

She also demonstrated her dramatic acting skills in TV movies like “Friendly Fire.” In addition to her show she starred in various films and TV specials with friend Julie Andrews.

Later in her career Burnett made appearances in TV shows like “Glee” and “Desperate Housewives” and in 2019 she was honored with the Golden Globes’ Carol Burnett Award for lifetime achievement in television.

In this article, I have listed some of the best quotes by Carol Burnett.

Best Carol Burnett Quotes

If someone tells you that you cannot do something and you believe it, they are right. ~ Carol Burnett.

I don’t eat much meat, fish, or poultry. ~ Carol Burnett.

When you have a dream, you’ve got to grab it and never let go. ~ Carol Burnett.

Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me. ~ Carol Burnett.

I don’t have false teeth. Do you think I’d buy teeth like these? ~ Carol Burnett.

I think we’re here for each other. ~ Carol Burnett.

My interesting diet tips are eat early and don’t nosh between meals. I mean, I can pack it away. ~ Carol Burnett.

It’s almost impossible to be funnier than the people in Washington. ~ Carol Burnett.

The audience is never wrong. ~ Carol Burnett.

But I don’t begrudge anybody, because I know how hard it is to have that dream and to make it happen, whether or not it’s just to put a roof over your head and food on the table. ~ Carol Burnett.

My grandmother and I saw an average of eight movies a week, double features, second run. ~ Carol Burnett.

I don’t remember a time when I wasn’t waiting for a scab either to grow or to fall off my knee. ~ Carol Burnett.

I’m not a person who likes to confront. ~ Carol Burnett.

Daddy, when he drank, just became sweeter. There wasn’t a mean thought in his body. I’ve always said he was like a drunk Jimmy Stewart. ~ Carol Burnett.

I am not a joke-teller. Stand-up, I couldn’t do. ~ Carol Burnett.

Famous Carol Burnett Quotes

I’m really not that funny in real life. But I am the best audience one could find. I love to laugh. ~ Carol Burnett.

You have to have faith that there is a reason you go through certain things. I can’t say I’m glad to go through pain, but in a way one must, in order to gain courage and really feel joy. ~ Carol Burnett.

I can’t tell a joke to save my soul. It’s just not my thing, though I love to listen to jokes. ~ Carol Burnett.

The first time someone said, ‘What are your measurements?’ I answered, ‘37, 24, 38’ – but not necessarily in that order.’. ~ Carol Burnett.

My grandmother and I followed my mother here, to a house a block north of Hollywood Boulevard but a million miles away from Hollywood, if you know what I mean. We would hang out behind the ropes and look at the movie stars arriving at the premieres. ~ Carol Burnett.

As for the career, sometimes I catch myself daydreaming about being young again and doing it all over. Then I bring myself up short when I realize how incredibly fortunate I was. ~ Carol Burnett.

What I do when I write is I just write the way I would tell it, so it comes out just exactly the way I would talk to you. ~ Carol Burnett.

No matter what, when you major in theater arts whether you want to write or be a director or design scenery or whatever, when you are a freshman at UCLA then – I guess it’s still the same way – you had to take an acting class. ~ Carol Burnett.

I’ve always been able to recount things and I have a really good memory about dialog and what people have said before and this and that. ~ Carol Burnett.

I wish my mother had left me something about how she felt growing up. I wish my grandmother had done the same. I wanted my girls to know me. ~ Carol Burnett.

My mother was very funny. My dad had a great sense of humor. My grandmother, too. ~ Carol Burnett.

Originally, I came from Texas, and we lived on – I guess you’d call it welfare, what we called relief. ~ Carol Burnett.

What I like to write about is stuff I know. I don’t think I could write a novel. I don’t think I have it in me to come up with those kinds of characters. ~ Carol Burnett.

Top Carol Burnett Quotes

As far as sitcoms go, I thought Jenna Elfman in ‘Dharma and Greg’ was a wonderful physical comedienne who had great timing. ~ Carol Burnett.

I have an iPhone, and I can text, and I can use the phone, and I can even take pictures with it. ~ Carol Burnett.

You know, one wonderful thing that came out of my Enquirer experience is that, in my case, it was ruled tabloids are magazines. Which means they didn’t have the protection that a newspaper has. ~ Carol Burnett.

I love to write. I have always loved writing. That was my first love. ~ Carol Burnett.

Just scream! You vent, and the body just feels good after a good old yell. ~ Carol Burnett.

It’s also selfish because it makes you feel good when you help others. I’ve been helped by acts of kindness from strangers. That’s why we’re here, after all, to help others. ~ Carol Burnett.

My first book was an open letter to my three daughters. ~ Carol Burnett.

In ’57, I got a job at the Blue Angel nightclub, and a gentleman named Ken Welch wrote all my material for me. I lived at a place called the Rehearsal Club that was actually the basis for a play called Stage Door. ~ Carol Burnett.

I liked myself better when I wasn’t me. ~ Carol Burnett.

You do have to love your kids enough to let them hate you. But it’s the disease that’s hating you, not them. ~ Carol Burnett.

You have to go through the falling down in order to learn to walk. It helps to know that you can survive it. That’s an education in itself. ~ Carol Burnett.

Popular Carol Burnett Quotes

Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head. ~ Carol Burnett.

I never regretted turning down anything, I never regretted losing a job because I always felt something else was out there. ~ Carol Burnett.

Words, once they are printed, have a life of their own. ~ Carol Burnett.

I couldn’t get the laughter out of my head. It wasn’t career. It wasn’t even a choice. It was a calling. ~ Carol Burnett.

I was very entertained by Betty Grable and Judy Garland. ~ Carol Burnett.

Have you noticed that all you need to grow healthy, vigorous grass is a crack in your sidewalk? Having a baby is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head. ~ Carol Burnett.

But I didn’t ask to have somebody nose around in my private life. I didn’t even ask to be famous. All I asked was to be able to earn a living making people laugh. ~ Carol Burnett.

Celebrity was a long time in coming; it will go away. Everything goes away. ~ Carol Burnett.

We don’t stop going to school when we graduate. ~ Carol Burnett.

I have always grown from my problems and challenges, from the things that don’t work out, that’s when I’ve really learned. ~ Carol Burnett.

Adolescence is just one big walking pimple. ~ Carol Burnett.

It costs a lot to sue a magazine, and it’s too bad that we don’t have a system where the losing team has to pay the winning team’s lawyers. ~ Carol Burnett.

Comedy is tragedy plus time. ~ Carol Burnett.

I always preferred working with somebody so I could look into their eyeballs and play tennis. ~ Carol Burnett.

Great Carol Burnett Quotes

I love the writing. I love the idea of typing and seeing it on the computer and printing it out myself and, you know, moving sentences around. I like that. ~ Carol Burnett.

People invite me to dinner not because I can cook, but because I like to clean up. I get immediate gratification from windex. Yes, I do windows. ~ Carol Burnett.

I was once asked to do my Tarzan yell at Bergdorf Goodman, and a guard burst in with a gun! Now I only do it under controlled circumstances. ~ Carol Burnett.

I always had a weak chin because we couldn’t afford to correct my bite, which could have been corrected with braces. So the chin was always weak. And I always was – kind of hated my profile. And I thought wouldn’t it be nice someday to feel the rain on your chin without having to look up. ~ Carol Burnett.